The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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