I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
grandma shit on top of the toilet
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
