I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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