I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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