so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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