I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It was confusing and full of hummus
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
