Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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