9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Never underestimate the power of titties
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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