Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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