it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
