Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I love you.
Bad choice
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
