how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
