i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
