hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
