Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Randomize
