Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
