you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
