I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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