her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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