I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
