I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
