i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
they need to just BURY HIM!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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