What did we do last night that was yellow?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
