Don't make out with my wife yet
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
