He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
