He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
