Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
