I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
