I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
