If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize