saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She even gives head with a lisp.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
