i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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