Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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