so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
