She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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