Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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