Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
