it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
