Swine flu. Run for my life!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
