lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
