is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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