That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize