So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
