you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize