drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
