a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize