Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you told grandpa to call you daddy
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
