I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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