Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
