i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
