Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You're like the curious george of whores
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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