i need an iv and a liver transplant
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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