Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
