Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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