dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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