dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
