So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
