You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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