Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
