you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
