so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
