So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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