weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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