I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
